Disordered Eating is Normalized in Midlife + Women: Part One

The older I get, the more I believe there is no such thing as normal. Normal is a setting on the washing machine, as they say. However, when I was in grad school in the 80s, I remember reading studies about the effect of chronic restriction using control groups of subjects who were "normal eaters" or those not exposed to diet culture. That type of research is no longer possible because of the ubiquitous nature of diet culture. Let that sink in. 

I miss sitting down to share a meal and never hearing a single comment about food worries, rules, or guilt. One of my life’s privileges is that I grew up with a dinner table free of diet culture talk. This experiential reference point offers a contrast and sometimes a sanctuary in today’s barrage of diet/wellness noise. If you grew up hearing judgment about food, eating, and bodies, please give yourself some compassion. It may be more challenging for you to create a flexible and relaxed approach to eating, which I call “normal”, for lack of a better word. That's not your fault.

I would like to offer a reference point that I find helpful. Try this on for a Definition of Normal Eating 

Normal eating . . .is going to the table hungry, and eating until you are satisfied.

Normal eating . . .is being able to choose food you enjoy and to eat it and truly get enough of it—not just stop eating because you think you should.

Normal eating . . .is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food.

Normal eating . . .is giving yourself permission to eat because you are happy, sad, or bored, or just because it feels good.

Normal eating . . .is mostly three meals a day—or four or five—or it can be choosing to munch along the way.

Normal eating . . .is leaving cookies on the plate because you will let yourself have cookies again tomorrow, or eating more now because they taste so great!

Normal eating . . .is overeating at times, and feeling stuffed and uncomfortable . . . and undereating at times, and wishing you had more.

Normal eating . . .is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating.

Normal eating . . .takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible . . .it varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your food, and your feelings.

By ​Ellyn Satter of the Ellyn Satter Institute​

Hallmarks of “normal” eating are flexibility, little to no guilt, no calculations or counting, no need to compensate for what you ate, led mainly by data from the body, such as feeling satisfied, permission for pleasure, the ability to engage with valued aspects of living your life free of intrusive thoughts about food and eating, and the ability to be present with your experience and to others when you are eating.

How do you perceive the messages you hear about midlife+ wellness through this lens of “normalcy”?

The dominant messages about nutrition and exercise in midlife+ are disordered. 

Examples of common, everyday statements that reflect normalized disordered eating:

• Coffee is breakfast for me.

• I run errands or work through lunch. I might grab a little something.

• Dinner? No rice, just protein and veggies for me.

• I’m not going to have fries, but can I have a few of yours?

• (Before enjoying food) I’ve been good all day, so I’ve earned this.

• (While enjoying food) I’m being so bad!

• (After enjoying food) Ugh, now I really have to hit the gym tomorrow.

• Well, this is my cheat for the week.

• No dessert for me, but can we have an extra fork so I can taste yours?

• I’m starved; I haven’t eaten all day!

• Do you know how many ____ are in that?!

Hallmarks of disordered eating are rigidity, black-and-white or all-or-nothing thinking, guilt, compensatory behaviors, obsessive and intrusive thoughts about food, exercise, and body weight, and distraction from your experience and others while eating.

If you are chronically hungry and undernourished or feeling deprived of the foods you enjoy, you are at risk of developing disordered eating. 

The intersection of anti-aging and diet/wellness cultures has normalized disordered eating, making it somewhere between confusing and impossible to nourish yourself and move your body with a relaxed, flexible, and “normal-eating” mindset.

The cultural message that your midlife+ body is broken and needs to be fixed undermines your relationship with your body and how you care for your body. 

If you have slipped into disordered eating, it is not your fault. You are simply trying to do the right thing based on the dominant messages you are receiving from anti-aging and diet/wellness culture. It is very easy to find yourself stuck in these patterns without realizing what is happening because this is so normalized! Please be gentle with yourself and give yourself some grace.

I hope you’ll stay tuned for next week’s newsletter, where I’ll get into how to get unstuck and break free from anti-aging and diet/wellness culture. I'll also get into how to nourish yourself for your whole-person well-being in midlife+.

Something Extra

If you eat alone to any degree, I think you will enjoy this collection of essays curated by ​Virginia Sole-Smith for her Burnt Toast Newsletter​. Virginia is known for her clear and entertaining take-down of diet culture. It was an honor to be included among some brilliant women writers. You can read The Life-Changing Magic of Eating Alone ​here​.