F*ck Frumpy and a Body Confidence Practice For You
In my nearly 40 years of talking to women like you about how you feel about your body, hearing certain words used to describe your precious body stops me in my tracks and hurts my heart.
Frumpy is one of those words.
Want to give zero f*cks about feeling frumpy? Me too! When I started researching the word “frumpy”, there were 100s of articles about what NOT to do to look frumpy. Apparently, looking frumpy is one of our greatest fears! And then I found this definition:
frumpy
"A female with a lack of concern for appearance. often characterized by sweatpants, frizzy hair, gramma panties, and a pasty complexion."
-Urban dictionary
All I could think was, who benefits from this mess?
Let’s take it from the top:
“A FEMALE with a lack of concern for appearance” 🤔So those who do not identify as female do not feel frumpy?
💥Most females are socialized to prioritize appearance. Patriarchy 101 🤷🏻♀️Lacking concern about appearance is a problem. Really? A problem for whom? I call 🐂💩!
“Often characterized by”:
😎 “Sweatpants” refers to loose-fitting clothing that allows one to relax, play, breathe, and be comfy.
“frizzy hair” read as hair allowed to be wild or natural. Noteworthy: As you age, your hair changes. The grays' texture changes and thinning make your hair much more likely to be frizzy. So, this statement is ageist AF!
👵🏻 “gramma panties” is straight-up ageist and alludes to loss of sexuality. More about that in another newsletter!
💄” pasty complexion” is a blatant encouragement to support the beauty industry. “Keeping that youthful glow and radiance” is a prevalent claim in anti-aging marketing.
⚡️Bottom line: frumpy is a negative social construct at the intersection of fat phobia and ageism firmly rooted in patriarchy.
✨The Good News: You’ve learned this construct, so you can unlearn it!
Practice: Now What?
Now that we've deconstructed the origin of frumpy, how can you use this information to let go of these body-shaming thoughts and boost your body confidence?
Please use the term frumpy as a reminder, a code word of sorts. When you find yourself worrying about looking frumpy, pause and have a little conversation with yourself. Try this:
Take 3 deep breaths.
Scan your body for any places that you are bracing or feeling that you are holding yourself in.
Soften there, any amount that you are able to.
If you were holding your belly in and could soften, return to your breathing. With a softer belly, notice if you can broaden your diaphragm and drop your breath into your belly. Deep belly breaths are good for your pelvic floor and help to regulate (or calm) your nervous system.
Ask yourself, "Where is this idea of frumpy coming from?" or "Whose voice is this?" or "Is this really my idea, or did I learn this?"
Remember, this is a word and concept that you've inherited.
Reminder: frumpy is a made-up word used by a system designed to make you feel inadequate and that your body is a problem you must fix.
Give yourself some grace and patience. We've all internalized this mess to some degree.
F*ck Frumpy....And the ageism, fatphobia, and patriarchy it's rooted in!
This is not an easy fix. I use the word practice here for a reason. This is not a one-and-done kind of thing. It will take time. Practices are like reps when you are building up your muscle strength or learning to play an instrument.
With this practice, you build your body connection and confidence and become resilient in our ageist culture. You are also learning to live IN your body rather than looking AT your body, which mends your relationship with your body over time.
Want more?
❤️🔥Two new podcast interviews have dropped since my last newsletter. Listening to these conversations allows you to drop more deeply into these concepts:
Dismantling Internalized Ageism with Body Liberation on the Taking Up Space Podcast
Aging Powerfully on the It's Beyond the Food Podcast
I'm dedicated to helping you push back against the pressure to fix your wild and wise body so you can blaze a liberating new path to a respectful, nurturing relationship with your aging body!
I would love to hear from you! Please feel free to comment and let me know what you'd like me to address here. Ask your questions or share your thoughts about the pressure you are feeling about your aging body. What's working and not working for you?
I look forward to our conversation! Thank you for being here❤️🔥.
Love and Respect,
Deb