Aging and The Next Chapter of Your Body Story

I am so glad you are here! Thank you for investing your time and attention in this space.

If you're new here, welcome! I'm on a mission to help you feel at ease and powerful in your aging body while focusing on your vitality rather than your body's size and shape. I dedicate this blog to an age-affirming way of living for all bodies. We push back against diet culture and ageism here for your aging body's liberation. If you've been here for a while, thank you for sticking around. I love that you are a part of this one-of-a-kind community we are creating together!

I was away last week on the beautiful North Carolina Coast for my vacation with my oldest son and his family, including my spirited grandchildren, ages 2 and 4. This time with them is an absolute treasure in my life. And I was utterly exhausted by the end of the week! I often thought of you and the work we are all doing to feel more at ease and powerful in our aging bodies.

I thought of you when my four-year-old granddaughter commented on my body. 

First, she commented on another little girl's body by calling her fat, distinguishing her from another little girl. This comment received no reaction in words, but I felt a wave of discomfort between us all. Should we respond? Isn't encouraging the word "fat" as a neutral way to describe a body best? YES! Is this an opportunity to talk about the fact that bodies come in all sizes and shapes, and there is no good or bad way to have a body? YES!

However, there was no time for that conversation because she quickly moved on to describe my body with the declaration, "YaYa, you are big and juicy." This comment was met with belly laughs (see what I did there?). Maybe it was the big laugh she got or her instinct that this subject was tricky, but she seemed uncomfortable. She quickly moved on to some silly game-playing, seemingly distracting us, or herself, from her words or encouraging us to move along. And move along we did. I plan to talk to my son and DIL about how they feel about me circling back to this. More on that later. 

How do comments about your body affect your relationship with your body?

Body Stories

In my group and 1:1 coaching and my new book, the starting point is compassionate curiosity about the stories we carry about our bodies. Your Body Story is largely built around how others respond to your body and what you've learned is acceptable or a problem to be fixed. The deeply held and often unquestioned beliefs we swallow about our bodies are usually rooted in what our family and culture value about bodies.

Our stories about our bodies have been a part of our lives from the beginning. Some chapters stand out more than others based on our experiences, relationships, and what our bodies have been through. We are all incredibly unique, and more so the longer we live. And we all have common ground in the experience of puberty, perhaps parenthood and perimenopause/menopause, times when our bodies likely change more significantly. I've written about how these developmental stages bring vulnerability to body shame and diet culture in the past. I speak about this in ​my podcast interviews​ and ​past blogs​ if you are interested, .

Aging as a New Chapter in Our Body Stories

So, my body story continues to change. I have arrived in a new chapter with a body altered more since turning 60 (and surviving COVID-19). Just a reminder that:

Life is Long, if you're lucky.

Bodies Change.

And that's okay.

My response to my grand's comment about my body being "Big and Juicy" is mixed. Yes, I initially experienced a wave of body shame. I've been committed to this work personally and professionally for a very long time, and I'm a human being exposed to the same diet culture and ageism that you are. I was disappointed in my reaction. Then I took a breath and started practicing what I preach. I gave myself some grace rememebering there is no space for perfection in this process, and that having feelings about our feelings creates unnecessary suffering.

I also felt "tickled" because what post-menopausal woman doesn't want to be "juicy"? I know my body is different now; it is softer, has more fat, and less muscle mass. The cultural conversation about these body changes is so loud and scary! And I'm truly enjoying how I feel IN my body lately and working through how I judge my body when I look AT myself. 

I also live in a straight-sized body (which means I can buy clothes in most stores, which is a privilege). My body also affords me safety and a sense of belonging, or privilege, because I identify as white and able-bodied, cis-gendered, and hetero-sexual, so it is just easier for me to feel comfortable with my body changes. To say this another way, if I was fat*, black or queer, or disabled, adding another layer of being marginalized by our culture due to being older may be too much to bear, pushing me to want to control my body size or feel more body shame.

This is a nuanced and complicated topic, so I approach it from many angles in my work and newsletters. Sometimes, there are more questions than answers, and that's okay. I embrace your curiosity and willingness to have this conversation! 

*I am most comfortable using the word fat as a neutral descriptor. I am uncomfortable with the words overweight or ob*ese as these words lead us to believe there is a right and wrong way to have a body. I know that the word fat is uncomfortable for some, so I am sorry if my word choice makes you feel uncomfortable. I am happy to talk about it if you would like to. 

Handling Body Comments from Kiddos

This newsletter is already getting pretty long, so I will discuss strategies for handling body comments from kiddos (or adults) in my next newsletter. I will also offer some resources because several brilliant souls are doing powerful work on this topic.

Practice: 

Body shame and critical body stories are likely dysregulating to you, so please take a moment to take care of yourself. These are also opportunities to heal your relationship with your body. Here is a simple body, or somatic, practice if you want to try it.

Begin by making yourself as comfortable as possible. Feel your feet or your seat, and scan your body for places you may be bracing or holding patterns of tension. Release and soften there. Inhale your shoulders to your ears and exhale with a sigh as you let them drop. Do that as many times as feels good to you. Breathe. 

If you can offer one statement of body gratitude, please breathe your statement in now. This may feel false initially. That's okay. Try it again. 

Return to this practice several times in the next few minutes and then again later in your day and over the coming week. Over time, you may experience an opening to authentic gratitude for your aging body.

You are not alone; we are all in this healing process together. 

If you are comfortable sharing, I would love to hear about your experiences with body comments or your body stories. Please feel free to reply to this email. Ask your questions or share your thoughts about how you are feeling about your aging body. 

I look forward to our conversation! Thank you for being here❤️‍🔥.

Love and Respect,

Deb