Other than the obvious health fears and concerns, why are we MORE vulnerable to diet and wellness culture as we age? Let's get into it.

We live in a culture with a clear body hierarchy. Youth is highly valued, and as we get older, we feel less relevant.

Our culture also values thin and fit/able bodies.

Please hear me-you are the expert on your body, and I respect and affirm that. I trust that you know what is best for you.

If you have a health concern or medical diagnosis impacted by your eating, this does not mean you cannot pursue body liberation. Being anti-diet/wellness doesn't mean you have to eat all foods. It means you get to make choices about how you nourish and care for your body that is rooted in your attunement with your body, not diet/wellness culture rules. Discovering this sweet spot is a game-changer!

Imagine that you are moving through your day, feeling pretty comfortable when you receive an unexpected visit from someone from your childhood-an old friend, a cousin, your sister, or your mom. When you see who's at the door, you run to the kitchen and quickly put away the package of cookies or push the empty ice cream container underneath the garbage in the bin. As you do this, you feel stressed, maybe even panicked, guilty, and likely even some shame.

What the heck just happened?!

Midlife means Change. Heck, menopause was actually called "The Change" when I was a kid. Most of what is familiar in your life, including your body, begins to shift under your feet. Most, if not all, of these changes, are outside your control.

The last thing we need is societal pressure to manipulate our behaviors in order to stop the natural changes in our bodies. Instead of feeling pressured to freeze our bodies in time, wouldn't it be liberating and comforting to hear:

Life is long; bodies change, and that's okay. We have to remind ourselves and one another of this truth.

Your relationship with your reflection is probably complicated, and that's okay. We had a conversation about unsettling responses to our reflections in my membership circle last week that I am still thinking about. I don't have any magical solutions, but I have some ideas that might help you if your relationship with your reflection is causing distress in your life.

I've worked with hundreds of clients experiencing self-criticism of particular parts of their bodies, ranging from worry to BDD. I refer you to last week's newsletter for more about this spectrum of body discontent and Body Dysmorphia Disorder (BDD). 

The implication is that there is a choice about the thoughts you entertain. My experience is that some of us have more choices in the thoughts we believe than others. Neurodivergence sometimes creates intrusive thought patterns that require a significant amount of therapeutic work to navigate. Don't get me wrong; this process is possible!  I want to acknowledge this difference because there is a degree of privilege in changing your thought patterns with relative ease. 

Body Grief is a term that describes intense sadness when our bodies change, which revolves around a deep sense of loss. Coping with this grief means mourning, and eventually letting go of attachment to the bodies we once had or our appearance and body function from an earlier time in our lives.

It is common to experience yourself just as you did at a much younger age or during a different period of your life. When you see your reflection in a mirror or your image in a photograph, it can be jarring and may trigger the feeling of deep longing for the body you once had, or Body Grief.

I'll need some magic as I respond to one of the most challenging questions you've sent me:

As a newly single (after 30 years of marriage, and three kids) 63-year-old, how do I get comfortable being naked in front of a man with this older body? No prospects yet; just thinking ahead.

A regulated nervous system supports your optimal well-being as you age. It ensures that your body adapts to changes in your environment so you maintain a state of homeostasis, or balance.

Your authentic girlhood self is waiting for your attention.

Puberty likely pulled you into a mishmash of becoming more conscious and aware of your body, the force of changes in your body, and how others responded to your transformation. You also learned from the pressures of your culture that your body and appearance equaled your worth, and proximity to love, acceptance, and power.