What To Do If You Are Feeling Angsty about Holiday Gatherings
First, know that it makes so much sense that you feel stressed and anxious about seeing people you may not have seen in a while, gathered around lots of food, just as the diet/wellness mess is making so much noise! This is one of the most challenging seasons to stay on track with mending your relationship with your body and staying true to your age-positive attitude.
Here are a few strategies designed to keep you steady on your path:
REMINDER:
Bodies do not remain the same over time. Bodies are dynamic. Bodies are supposed to shift and change in size and shape in response to events, life stages, illness, medication, stress, and rescuing yourself from eating disorders.
Bodies are not a "topic of conversation". Period.
Before your gathering, it's a good idea to anticipate how you will navigate ageist comments and food and body talk. It really helps to imagine yourself making moves to help you feel safe.
Once your gathering begins, check in with the following:
your energy for emotional labor
if you are feeling safe with those gathered
This will help you discern when to engage and when to remove yourself.
Boundary Setting:
Taking it from the top: F*cking Food Comments 🙄. You know what I mean: "my new diet" talk, ideas to make recipes "healthier", food guilt talk, comments about not eating all day or feeling stuffed. Overall, comments about diet rules and a food hierarchy where some foods are "sinful," some are "cheats", some are "off the diet", and it goes on and on.
First, let’s start with ensuring you feel strong by nourishing yourself just like any other day. Please don’t fall for skipping meals plus adding exercise. Allowing yourself to become undernourished will actually make you more vulnerable. Keep reading.
Your body is brilliant and designed to protect you from the threat of falling into an energy deficit. Your body is dynamic and responds to the STRESS of undernutrition, change in sleep and/or activity patterns, and perceived threats in your environment (people, places, comments, etc.) The consequences of skipping meals and stressing your body are an:
Increase in cravings
Increase in cortisol levels
Increase in fatigue
Increase in irritability
Increase in brain fog due to
decrease in energy/blood sugar stability
decreased access to the executive-functioning part of your brain
Secondly, be prepared for potentially harmful situations by considering how you will respond to uncomfortable comments about changes in your (or anyone's) body, food, and eating. Note: Yes, some of these comments may be intended to be compliments. However, comments about appearance and changes in your body likely feel uncomfortable or even triggering.
Your options are:
Removing yourself from a situation is a way to protect and re-center yourself. This could mean taking a break in the bathroom, giving yourself a breath of fresh air, or contacting a supportive human (IRL or online)
Changing the Subject
You can indirectly pivot, “Hey, did you hear about…” or more directly ask for what you need, “Hey, I’m not comfortable talking about this. Let’s talk about something else. How about that …”
Speaking Your Truth (if you are feeling it)
This may be an opportunity to share more about your experience and to educate others about the harm of ageism, food and body talk. This may help you and will likely support those around you. You never know if someone is struggling with their aging body, weight changes, or their eating.
If you are hosting, you have the power to set the tone! What would it be like to declare your gathering free of ageism and body/diet talk?! It can be as playful as announcing that you will be playing a game this year; let's try being together without mentioning food rules or making comments about aging and our bodies! What a beautiful safe harbor to offer those around you.
In the next blog, I will get into potential conversation changers and responses designed to help you feel more comfortable around ageist and food- and body-shaming comments. For example, "You look great. Have you lost weight?" or "Wow, you look great for your age."
